# welcome to audio heck dear researcher typical researcher quotes about such pop dross white dog mess on a dry roll being beaten to deff with marshmallows would rather listen to a wasp in a matchbox sucks dirty arts through a silly straw man turn that spineless pink trash off now list of songs for extra audio heck compiled last night on campus while waiting for real life to begin if researchers genuinely admire any of these songs then according to researcher henry swanson they redefine 'tool' and had better run a freshly-vinegared check over produced pap with leather trousers and toadies with hand flans on standby do not good music make to consider such awful and talent free noise the soft footfalls of willing solders of sickeningly offensive blandness music describable as like having a flat glass of water while someone whispers 'cherry' in a room down the end of a long unlit hall in one's general direction brain dead and happy headlong dive into mediocrity and pedestrian indifference festering designer stench in between the oozing groin folds of corporate entertrainment so calm and bloodless yet often so whining and over top in endlessly egotistical elf-belief being sold the answer as well as being sold down the river and having one's mothering time wasted 'bsz hypercorporation' is soon to release a detailed electronic meditation on each of these sonic unflushables and seeing what makes them so uniquely dire collectively such muzak represents humanity at its most sincere plastic worst - soulless spirtless little corporate sax workers each and all limp insubstantial debilitated enfeebled futile powerless assailable banal watery flavorless vapid tame and eventless these desperately wack radio friendly songs not only make 'big scientists' quietly projectile puke they heighten preexisting symptoms of aggravated terminal boredom and will / must be immediately destroyed back to ash on sight without passion without passion and without contemporary adult phrasing how they all feature that instant acute form of awfulness an immediate musical turn-off that within seconds of playing makes accidental listeners with actual taste and good sense wince in pain sudden rising sense of hot destructive retribution occurs as in 'arggg: that sure is a detestably annoying sonic abomination let me immediately boot it into a nearby primordial black hole' ambitious collection of experimental pop rock laughably shaped by the band's personal struggles and legal battle with ir record label no doubt only thing they're collectively good for is a painful necessary reminder of the true depressing nature of airless synthetic human nature - the truer daily poverty and cosmic uselessness of faux artistic miscreations back into the insipid dead eyed hyper-'lite' capitalist pit from whence they were cynically pinched off chrrrist - what a talent free shower of munts and zero integrity bedwetters it's the dictatorship of the mediocre an overwhelming movement of artless morons unable to be challenged or learn anything - and wishing with all ir mighty whiteness that they'll never face having to james blunt your beautiful / guns n roses welcome to jungle or sweet child o' mine rednex cotton eye joe / kenny g songbird or moment / nicki minaj stupid hoe indeed / wheatus teenage dirtbag lightning seeds pure / lou bega mambo no 5 / jamiroquai virtual insanity / neptune and matthew zeitler i hate goodbyes feat hailey haus lcd soundsystem all our friends or white lies deff / lmfao featuring lauren bennett and goonrock party rock anthem / toto i'll be over you four non blondes what's up / paul mccartney once upon a long ago / billy joel piano researcher mild orange intro / extreme more than words / sir sweaty cliff richard anything by / carly simon coming around again lisa loeb stay we missed you / ed sheeran anything by / lawson standing in light / rihanna umbrella / christopher cross sailing bon iver anything by / aimee mann save us / darkness we believe in a thing called love / counting crows a long december chris rea driving home for christmas / maroon 5 sugar / clay aiken invisible / glen campbell wichita lineman vanessa carlton a thousand miles / rebecca black friday / oasis wonderwall or supersonic verve pipe freshman / creed our sacrifice / hoobastank reason / they might be giants birdhouse in your soul hot chelle rae tonight tonight / celine dion our heart will go on / evanescence bring us to life thrillers runaways / frank sinatra strangers in the night / john miles music was our first love wires athlete / polyphia ego deff / thirty seconds to mars the kill bury us / lady antebellum need you now train drops of jupiter / nickelback when we stand together / mel and kim respectable bon jovi wanted dead or alive / robbie williams angels / the calling wherever you will go tomorrow from the musical annie / jason donovan any dream will do / fr david words / brad paisley whiskey lullaby gilbert o'sullivan alone again / will smith getting jiggy with it / black eyed peas lady lumps daniel powter bad day / edie brickell and the new bohemians what i am / smokie living next door to alice john denver annie's song / thrillers mr brightside / jacob collier wellll / mr big to be with you sixpence none the richer kiss us / deep blue something breakfast at tiffany's rembrandts we'll be there for you / one direction what makes you beautiful / tom cochrane life is a highway bette middler the wind beneath our wings / toby keith courtesy of the red white and blue alanis morissette ironic / john mayer your body is a wonderland air supply all out of love / whitney houston we will always love you coldplay yellow or viva la vida / andrew lloyd webber music of the night / abba winner takes it all sarah brightman and steve harley phantom of the opera / crash test dummies mmm mmm mmm mmm snow patrol chasing cars / joe mcelderry climb / john cougar mellencamp anything by van der graaf generator plague of lighthouse keepers / limp bizkit rollin / yungblud memories jay z empire state / pharrell williams happy / harry styles sign of the times / forrest frank your way's better holly cole trio neon bluuuue / peruvian panpipes versions of wind of change by scorpions / benson boone beautiful things / alex warren ordinary all too typical example dead brained lolments arising from such zero neural activity appreciation brian j hoozaa three years ago said: 27 months in desert and a purple heart later this track kept us going threw most of it thanks you guys hot florida cams 3 years ago said: we played this disk nightly at the gas station we worked at in the mountains we'll never ever forget those days to be forever young living in the mountains sk8 boarding all day snowboarding all night best days of our life this is one of its many soundtracks researcher henry swanson spontaneously sticks fingers down throat and symbolically projects xenomorphic bile at the internets radio: bleuurrrrrgh yet false-positive audio heck tracks exist and include the following warrant heaven / nickleback rockstar / richard harris macarthur park black lace agadoo / los del rio macarena / bloodhound gang bad touch chumbawamba tubthumping / gotye somebody that we used to know radiohead creep / s club 7 s club party sisqo thong song / aqua barbie girl tag team whoomp there it is / bomfunk mc's freestyler such tracks are false positives because while they do just plainly suck a dead art's hole they're jpc: just plain crap - that is almost innocently so as opposed to the active state of total audio undeadedness wilfully designed to intensely annoy the living urine out of researchers and homogenize brains inducing sufferers to curse the corporate mixing consoles such tracks spring from key thing to realise is that such 'audio heck' muzak isn't merely awful because of the presentation or execution but is raw untreatable silage at the level of its mere conception among ir many rhymes against good ie humane music such tracks express the ideological notion of doing nothing but drastically impoverishing the lives of everyone - everyone that is except the insane hyper materialist capitalist dregs who pinched it off into global toilet of mindless mass public consumption in any case these false positives are nowhere now whereas audio heck tracks seem to live on forever - a curse for the ears and the derision and vilification they generate and provoke in big scientists is a living testament against the destruction of true creativity and artistic integrity such vacated ultra consumerist trash symbolises worships and promotes oh to permanently mute the greige error of modem life such accursed music is obviously the violetly bland soundtrack to the comments section beneath the first album track also make researchers often want to casually projectile puke through ir fingers as though everything said there is an affected put on trying to impress example online review of: some sure have it easy via loftleader records quote a beautiful bit of music we love the lazy way the melody and words wrap around the harmony they pronounce things in a way we like this album make us feel better about the human race because if someone can create something so odd and beautiful we just might make it henry swanson: holy shedballs flatman talk about contact diabetes they're so stunning it's refreshing to see an artist who both takes themselves seriously yet also not too seriously the little jump cuts of them with a tambourine are so adorable one of most important artists of our time they should be supported to the fullest we feel honoured seeing them next month they'll be a permanent fixture picture in our mind we love how they change ir voice it reminds us of the sonic versatility of kate bush a perfect example of that ethereal sound from the mid 80s transported to now we adore how much joy they can make with ir minimalist sound it's pure soul finally a human being who is free of false fears in expressing themselves it's so cleansing to see that they know how to be it's like neil young's harvest moon and beck's morning phase had a baby girl with bows they express ir own hesitant style how they move to rhythm of music the most inspirational musician we've heard in years we feel reborn everything they do has feeling and to us feels like we're stepping into the past maybe one earth that doesn't even know about a better land before time so glad we pre ordered the gold vinyl before everyone figures out how amazing they are magical and mysterious a character from ir own world who seems to appear only when you dare to travel far from everything around you and see beyond for first time we feel like there's kinship between us from the harmonics to the lyrics and the one two shuffle of ir breathy draw outs in the absolute best way this could almost be a track off an indie movie sheer genius music we wish we had such a range of esoteric expressions to pop out of our face while listening to them ir unrelenting balletic nods with guitar strumming atop that mountain is the greatest dance move of year a beautiful song accompanied by an amazing background of mountains it's rare that we hear a song that we love anymore like years good to know it's still possible in the final deff throws of this cyberpunk culture if you get to see them live on the current tour it's well worth it in sf the show cost hundreds a heck of bargain even more of bargain we bought the new lp and the official tour tee shirt honestly it's been 35 plus years since we've seen such prices we would have easily paid double or even triple for both we had to ask three times to make sure we heard this track correctly it was so good we're still shocked we wanted everyone to know ask at shows tour sales counter just amazing creativity and zensitivity it makes us feel so much too much thank you for making us feel like we're not only the intergalactic smuggler in town your music had many codes thank you again for sharing the music is so real it hurts too real for current state of humanity again a big admirer of tambourine the way it cuts and sits in on top mix grooving away lifting the swing along a shame it's buried a little too deep in mix for our monitors to hear strings are super hero stylistic though love and all best if you read this kiss kiss henry swanson: you hip prancing musical gimp that easy listening dross you stan on leaves us colder than an empty fridge definitely the kind of musick you get from a country that doesn't have to worry about snakes generational poverty or landmines from the looks of the video it's convenient they've moved to wales - maybe a good chance for someone to finally catch up to them eh take them all out at once - to a fancy restaurant the entire album stinks like one big marketing exercise to promote ir new hat shop be seeing you soon forever deeper in audio heck // republic of bob