# their meathead throwback ex boyfriend sweaty tuesday evening chilling outside a kebab shop in town munich by editors starts to play in the lab background liquid sun just starting to drip below the horizon terminally bored land gulls also known as void markers on idle rooftops opposite watching tasty students walk by toward a crap nightclub one of the students happens to turn ir fresh painted mask in your general direction - faintly screws up ir pretty painted face fellow scientific researcher dr. orloff stands to your left reading a disposable paper zine about two friends who walk around amerika getting into all kinds of ultimately existentially life affirming and surrealistically reaffirming metaphysical adventures thanks to orloff's own sub project rnd conducted a few days ago in the middle of a northern town the suburban blandscape can now be described in the back pages of such zines a hi saturation collage of intensively private worlds each is entered through various semi hidden online teleportals dotted around university announcing itself with deliberately rough sounding online music samples drawing on the repertoire of historic distinctive associations within oldskool kung fu dystopian sci fi movies found online one feature of such landscapes specifically the cultural vista of university is the emergence of such high tech corridors along limited access data highways these developments give much emphasis to pure 80's flava including construction of huge artificial waterfalls and lagoons placement of various neo mayan temple sculptures and other artefacts trivialities wired personality cults mr ben and blue thunder starring the talented roy schneider also present are certain secrete underground facilities used to attract retain professional personnel who work in such varied institutions jazzercise fitness centers ice jogging cycling trails and pet day care facilities places for eating where one's hairstyle can be appreciated in full by one's peers again style and design are critical in such developments for the resulting auto infopocalypse call bsz underscore elf deconstruct sequence 0001 along with ir brother the ex boyfriend of our favorite researcher was a cheap brand of disposable meathead strutting twin birth defects our beautiful love was only just getting over this knuckle dragging cave dweller when we started making an appearance (update: not quite correct they were merely two-timing ir) meatboy however continued to think they were still heavily involved and hated how our true sweet love might not find ir flatulent caveman charms funny anymore and so they kept hanging around a stale prawn fnart calling and hassling (update: no that's not quite correct they were merely in shock and just trying to figure out what the heck was happening) henry swanson: though maybe they wasn't two-timing anyone as i put it but merely doing the best to survive in and among a group of emotionally stunted and unevolved male morons none of which are reallly any good for such a wonderful and intelligent creature thursday afternoon in autumn we go swimming and playing in a cool pool of fun - we finish and go to get changed only to find tweedle dum and ir fellow thick necked sidekick brother waiting for us when we stroll out of the showers we look at this ape chin jutting forward barely upright as a stubby pig finger pokes hard into our muscle free chest thugboy: says oi you swanson swanson /afraid down to ir shrunken peanuts: ouch er yes why thugboy: we're ir old boyfriend swanson: um hello thugboy /warns: treat em nicely or we'll cripple ya swanson: ok that's er understood standing there in middle of the shower room alone naked and outnumbered suds dripping off our shrivelled dirty brown cashew getting a barely articulate lecture in emotional responsibility from some brain free gimp who didn't make it to the second round of casting for the flintstones the only reason this hemorrhoid didn't flatten us right then and there was they probably thought other leisure center patrons might think they were quote 'gay for hitting a naked scientist in public' imagine being that compulsively mucho-macho cishet terrified of the tepid physical fact of one's own forever unwashed hole - what a total uranus mind you we're still crapping ourselves silly the dude looks like they chew live pitbulls for breakfast eventually thank elvis both cave dwellers shuffle back to ir sandpit and we start to breathe again researcher we need this like we need more double french homework we need this like another fourteen years of uninterrupted atac rule minutes later however we're already seething at ourselves for feeling such a coward conveniently forgetting such angry resentful non-thinking stems from the exact same kind of foul pig-headed masculinity which birthed these two industrial scale dolts henry swanson (having learned nothing): the ancient samurai of old would never have been caught with a soapy duck and no magic sword at the public baths; such dung brained jock mothers would have been stinking piles of random street kebab two months later however before we left for university in the spirit of ancient masterless wandering martial adventurers rumor has it someone found out where dunceboy lived popped off the fuel cap of ir lousy rover-motor with a screwdriver and swiftly introduced a whole bag of sugar to the tank they then skedaddled the heck outta dodge - terrified for weeks in ir room that some monobrow sporting visigoth would guess who ruined ir beloved little beep beep mobile the skies were over high saturation blue at the time and swallows careened in silent dreaming clouds above the sun was setting again on merry mirthless endland and everything was settling in place everything except the ghost hummingbird soul of a lonesome student researcher as for us we ended up never see our true sweet love again as they ended up two timing us with a trekkie thing is only after it happened to us then did one realise the sudden acute pang of betrayal meathead must of felt at our own unannounced scenic arrival // republic of bob