# ancient cyborg data ninja wisdom **+** never eat anything capable of expanding into a giant hippo in your stomach **+** never stash all one's lavender scented toilet paper in one place **+** one becomes invisible for a short period after losing an eye to an angry pangolin **+** male pattern baldness is often caused by quantum piranha **+** the actual chinese internal martial arts side effects of semi accidentally elf-induced freezer burn on one's sack differ wildly depending on who one asks **+** getting a crusty shaken wine gourd full of angry bullet ants suddenly jammed up oneself hurts quote 'real bad' **+** avoid kickboxing matches immediately after plastic surgery **+** 'rapid elf stimulation under strenuous existential circumstances causes spontaneous ducksplosion' **+** if one sharpens one's own internal chinese martial arts tools it can void the warranty **+** contestants in martial arts matches often appear little more than highly pressurized meat tubes of broody chum **+** if one opens a faded yellow canvas rucksack lying around on a barren mountainside at night odds are it'll be filled with the head of a screaming wizard **+** never let old researchers with a false leg and a lisp trim one's nose hair with a pair of rusty garden shears while skating backwards on dirty ice **+** stay away from 'weirdevil' inverted martial arts castle dwellers promising free subscriptions to popular underground data ninja magazines **+** when all else fails on the battlefield one can always summon up a 20 foot tall soul-eating well creature **+** stop smoking old scrolls found in seemingly abandoned martial arts hyperkult basements in inverted mountain fortress and quote 'go practice' // republic of bob