# review of cronenberg's maps to the stars > storm the reality studio and retake the universe > ~ william s. burroughs scenario: in which it's possible to judge when someone's been fully accepted into hollywood's cold plastic undead heart when they release a movie that's supposedly critical of it yet - which is in fact merely another celebratory paean to its nakedly vile all consuming evil greatness - a self evident / congratulatory wasteland devoid of everything but anti-life summary: david cronenberg's maps to the stars reads like a thankfully lost episode of melrose place casually penned by brat easton ellis on ir way to a psychic l.a therapist while high on xanax suppositories when at the office the therapist continues to nod and pretend to listen to ir inane spiel while skim-watching mulholland drive on ir tablet itself idly dreaming of the wild palms swaying outside // video here julianne moore: plays a slightly more desperate clone of same character they did in the (incredible) safe (1995) by todd haynes. when ir oh-so inevitable / risible deff (how can you tell? -rob) comes at the gloved hands of wasikowska's character agata you realize this could have been the first scene of the movie and nobody would have minded / equally cared robert pattinson and olivia williams: are wasted and provide little but useless set decoration john cusack: simply plays a (truly rough looking) new age version of john cusack with permanent eyeliner - yet paradoxically ey fits right in mia wasikowska: allegedly the warm little centre around which this bland fiasco revolves does a little with the middling material ey's given - but is really just a blank slate macguffin evan bird: awesome as a kickable little brat oozing privilege - doing the best onscreen justin bieber impression since the original(tm) everyone else: just exists - tediously listlessly as though (ironically) in a state of permanent pharmaceutical disassociation if only maps to the stars had a cool soundtrack by eg. elliot goldenthal and kronos quartet to bolster its consistently flagging narrative // video here "it was like a dream.." - good grief further analyzing maps to the stars the greatest failure of maps to the stars is (unlike mulholland drive) to provide a feel of the hollywooden. one suggestion is to cut up this movie and show only those scenes without people intersperse with single frames of the character's reaction shots also take that poem / mantra / propaganda screed recited by agatha and realize that while it's the key to the whole movie it's also only ±42% as meaningful as your supposed to imagine it is // republic of bob