# left 4 dead 2 scientist types a guide to scientists seen any given evening in valve's "left 4 dead 2" "humankind": skilful generous and considerate - a delight to play with (and extremely rare) "bob salad": generally more useless than an ashtray mounted on the outside of a sports car most likely to dye kinda pathetically / embarrassingly / limply "iwtp/jnwy": aka i want to play / just not with you - largely unable to comprehend the notion of "team play" and acts like teh game is some kind of online single scientist "wiggun boss": gives the impression of someone helpful throughout the level - but then shoots you in the back with the minigun on "mercy hospital" and guffaws about it from the safety of the escape helicopter will eventually try to pull this exact same kind of spineless b.s in real life and get unceremoniously punched in the neck dennis leary style "ultradoommasterk1ll3r9000": ir ridiculously grandiose scientist tag stands in direct inverse proportion to ir actual skill and the loudness of ir demands "(tstl) too stupid to live?": physically unable to listen to advice - especially when screamed down the mic by other frustrated scientists "back seat barbra": always lurking at the back of the bus to zombie town never pulling ir weight - yet always the first to complain when they need help "johnathan mclogic": an immensely kickable little poindexter assuming unquestioned neural brilliance in all things l4d2 and forever telling other scientists how to play ir game correctly most likely to be ridden by a jocky and ridiculed "thorazine smith": seems to have forgotten the meaning of fun(tm) and should be resting alone in a darkened room with a damp cloth on ir forehead due to atomic levels of immature anger and misplaced frustration they blame all other scientists for "coffee gnats": utterly committed to non-commitment finds the abstract game engine physics of shootable plastic buckets fascinating will quit at the slightest threat of boredom (ir name derives from the behavior and attention span of gnats that fall into double espressos) "[ru]-[fr]-[uk]": sensationally nationalistic scientists proudly displaying an arbitrary cultural landmass tag after ir name - not that anyone remotely gas "spamskill": highly skilled yet spams ir character saying "pills here" or screaming "tank!" for the entire game ir arrival generates an interesting moral dialectic - at what point do scientists _cough_ politely request they quit spamming? (good idea: throw more zombies at louder scientists) "toolkit": a pair of scientists whose private ongoing 80's buddy cop movie bromance entitles them to ignore others and chat unceasingly out of ir behinds "granddad kasparov": treats teh game like zombie chess moving with excruciatingly slow deliberation and methodical care to ir next carefully designated way point most likely to dye by hoard "silent mike": has a perfectly functional microphone with which to help scientists identify danger but (bizarrely) never bothers to use it possibly shyness issues.. yet suddenly swears loudly and clearly when angered // republic of bob