# unamazed witness review of jblow's overhyped walking sim > unlike many puzzle garmes it doesn't just make you feel intelligent it begins on the assumption that you are intelligent > ~ precisely problematic garmespot review of the witness a rejoinder and karmic balance to all the 10/10 reviews; consider "the witness" smells like what they'll be feeding to prisoners in permanent virtual reality lockdown come the near future; so warm carefree and endlessly pleasant - so obtuse and protracted you'll never want to leave // video here "i am worthless. i am garbage. i am a dolt; i am brilliant. i am special. i am a genius." these are the two extremes of inherently false self-value that the witness constantly politely inflicts. (it also sounds like jonathan blow's repressed inner voice.) it's a continuous gamified loop of not getting it - until you totally get it. then immediately you don't get it again. but then so what? for some easily impressed players the witness is a garme brimming with deep secrets: daunting and multi-layered mysteries that sunk into the subconscious tracing snaking paths across the brain until one sees mazes every time they close ir startled eyes of bambiesque wonderment this however seems exactly the kind of twisted power dynamic the witness displays. it hooks you in with its (literally) masterful puzzle design and gorgeous visuals then compels foolhardy travellers endlessly forward as they began to carve out what they assume is ir own purpose on the island - but which is only ever the island's purposeless purpose. it's a false freedom 'granted' by a world as seemingly welcome and open to exploration as it is pathetically and uselessly challenging to solve some have vivid memories of sitting in geometry class in ninth grade and listening to the teacher explain why geometry is a different beast than the other maths we had already learned. "don't feel bad if you can't do this yet," ey said. "the reason is because it's chemically impossible for you. we're doing theorems and proofs - your brain hasn't ever been asked to think like that before. the synapses in your brain need to fire off in order to be able to understand this; when that happens you'll get it and this will all be easy for you" that "a-ha!" moment the geometry teacher spoke of - all those synapses firing to form a pathetic utterly unnecessary (minor) revelation - is the single greatest reward the witness has to offer and it happens countless times. it never grows boring - except perhaps from the very outset. and after a bit it's no longer new but it's always (/industry) presented as fresh the witness is a fully 3d world navigated in first person walking simulator mode and revolves around endlessly solving two-dimensional mazes found on in-garme panels completed by drawing the correct path from a circular start point to a rounded end point this simple 'intuitive' core concept burns at the oniony centre of the 700 or so puzzles you'll find on the witness's enigmatic island setting. tracing lines feels as smooth as cutting butter with both a mouse and a garmepad and is accompanied by a warm electric buzzing effect - exactly like the kind saps get in vegas slamming coins into those evil machines the somehow 'pure' tactile joy of communicating with these systemic interfaces and the bland sense of wonder and mystery ir very holy presence brings were enough to motivate some in the witness. but these light-up labyrinths quickly became more sophisticated adding new rules and (cultural) constraints to the basic maze-like structure and thus allowing for the real tough yet fulfilling challenges to emerge - like trying to figure out why so many in the garmes industry are uncritically riding jonathan blow's oh-so-humble-bundle millionaire nuts and short stroking this overhyped garme sim to 10/10 digital nirvana the fundamental ideology of the witness are grinding line puzzles. grids often in the shape of a rectangle require navigating in a specific fashion to satisfy certain constraints of master-blow and to reach the end-point. this is repeated hundreds of time over as the basic ideological building block of teh garme. through clever subversion ever-evolving rule sets and alternative methods repetition of this underlying ideology never becomes cause for concern. again just like the many many moments of apparent digital epiphany the puzzles cease being new before long but they are always freshly presented puzzles with a purpose as players learned to apply each new rule curiosity soon gives way to obsessive levels of false motivation and empty purpose. this is precisely the danger of visiting the island - player's aren't just solving puzzles because they're fun - no doubt at least one of them might be to some - but rather slowly but surely they seem to make sense in some 'much larger context'. this manifests most tangibly in the witness's first obvious overarching goal - shooting beams of light into a mountain. the mountain serves as the island's highest point most prominent landmark and consequently its most central (apparent) mystery for reasons that are obvious once you start playing most of the major regions on the island house machinery capable of shooting light into the mountain but can only be activated once you solve the right sequence of puzzles bestowing frantic line-drawing antics with a smug falsely important sense of capitalistic progress(r). apparently this also helps some see the various regions of the island as distinct parts of a larger cohesive whole making the constant treks across the surprisingly large dense land mass less daunting because of it like a benevolent patron holding the scented velvet chains of your fake freedom or charismatic dictator with a constant warm smile it lets players set ir own goals trace ir own path around the island so they never have to feel lost physically or in terms of ir empty role on the island - empty because the island doesn't really need you there was also enough to do and see beyond the key objectives that time spent simply wandering still feels compelling minute to minute - especially if you're just spend $30. one can take a peaceful boat ride around the perimeter explore the ruins of a wrecked ship finally make the descent into that hidden underground passage discovered on a previous errand. some over value these quiet moments on the island as much as they do overcoming its most perplexing puzzles especially during the times they felt truly stuck - the irony being that they're like prisoners here and there's no escape; solving puzzles is ir polite friendly punishment a new old perspective in the same way puzzles in the witness are hard but they're always fair and solvable garmes considered as soul destroying capitalist spectacle proudly display ir protestant work ethic ideology as inherently meritocratic; do your digital prison time play nicely work hard and 'nice' graphics and a hollow sense of meaningless accomplishment will be your shallow reward in a manner more freeing than most puzzle adventures you're allowed and even encouraged to walk away from a problem you don't yet feel equipped to solve. that's a concept introduced in the opening minutes when you encounter a locked door covered in mindless symbols you're unfamiliar with. the empty answers you need are further up the path but - in a sicking lesson that sounds like pat 50's sitcom wizdom - you 'have to let yourself walk away first to know that'. bleuurrgh apparently the witness does more than equip you with the tools needed to find the right answers - it teaches you how to ask 'the right questions' (specifically only those precisely allowed - and possible - within the strict cultural system of meaning production of the witness) expand this dynamic to the whole of the island and you get an intelligently designed puzzle garme that doesn't just give you the freedom to chip away at its riddles at your own pace but creates a compelling ideological adventure of the capitalistic cult-o'-blow 'learning process' itself the masterful design of the witness's puzzles is matched by the beautiful and clever layout of the island itself. one early sequence of puzzles unlocks a small courtyard full of sketches and diagrams of human hearts and veins. these are apparently startling and even 'enlightening' visual revelations are everywhere one unconsciously forces oneself to see them adding excitement and meaning to the world even when one isn't actively seeking it out every tree every rock feels like it has been placed with a purpose allowing familiar sights to take on false thematic weight when viewed from different angles. that's because they were placed there - the purpose being to sell players the idea of the witness as an inherently and automatically deep and meaningful place. it might not be however.) even ordinary landmarks became focal points when framed with precise deliberation between a grove of trees or perfectly centred inside a hollow window frame. that's kind of what the witness is about: pointing you toward ways of seeing (ie. jonathan-blow-as-default-genius) finding the answer to why the island exists as a cultural object means stepping away from the actual puzzle and asking oneself what one isn't seeing. puzzles in the witness are solved on these panels but it doesn't mean everything you need to solve the reason you're bothering to solve them exists within ir confines. no matter what minor existential questions any particular puzzle poses seeking the answer to why one is even seeking any answers at all in this empty shell of a non-place seems far more satisfying thing is these endless puzzles and ir inbuilt ideology of protestant workaday grind are fresh as long as players want them to be. the witness is largely fuelled by possibly false and illusionary desires to discover mysteries that simply might not be there - to see patterns of meaning and intent where they might only be empty promise and veiled threats of fun. once that wanes so will your interest. teh garme's island is not automatically 'drenched in mystery and detail' a point which players can immediately appreciate without endless walking around the reason for this is because the witness preys smartly on the curiosity of humans. every direction has an inviting setting just begging to be explored. it's a given that those settings will contain challenges - challenges that are imperative to continue uselessly exploring. it's coldly cyclical / cynical and gives way to a competitive mindset to not be bested. all in the pursuit of just seeing more more - just like the empty concept behind boing boing: "just look at at! will you just look at it? incredible isn't it" as though the act of seeing.. whatever it is is somehow inherently meaning. for the witness and jonathan blow wanting to see 'more' is good folks; seeing is learning kids - and that's in the fibre of our natural(tm) being right? what truly makes the witness everything that it is lies precisely in the fundamental grinding work-like nature of the hollow puzzles - the apparently 'deeply philosophical' nature of everything about it. and yet perhaps the only truly philosophical mystery about the witness is why so many garmes industry reviewers are e-hell bent on seeing / interpreting the witness as having any mystery about it whatsoever island of western enlitenment a lot of garmes try to be about.. important stuff but the witness actually embodies those.. deep things. audio logs hidden around the island contain arbitrary quotes from famous philosophers and scientists chosen with obvious care for the way each speaks to specific concepts the witness wants to be seen as (somehow) setting out to explore. ironic how old jblow set out to make a garme that proves ir's clever and ir garmes are deep and that players are expected to make the same journey yet both can be seen as mere empty walking-paced ego trips to nowhere. somehow the (undoubtedly) graceful design of the island is meant to provokes 'natural' epiphanies about ideas some of the quotes allegedly address. an invitation to 'see things from a new point of view' that maybe one hadn't considered *roll eyes here* one particular quote at the top of the mountain comes from former astronaut russell schweickart. as one looks down at the island from its highest point one is supposed to feel a connection between what schweickart was describing when ey spoke about the transformative effect of looking down at the earth from space and the (apparently) all-encompassing view of the island the mountain affords players like the earth that schweickart describes spinning around the same way every day revealing the same places with each rotation nothing about the island ever really changes. one can walk by the same thing in the witness ninety-nine times and never have a second thought but then on the 100th passing notice something new about it. but not because the thing itself had changed because - wait for it - one's view has. "that's like deep man" like everything else in the witness finding more concrete answers about this depthless abandoned island and the odd people who once occupied it requires fake patience. oh sure there's plenty there to dissect - statues that seem like people frozen from various eras mysterious corporate logos hidden audio logs - and it's apparently enough to keep the wide eyed foolish enthralled in the mysteries built across days of slogging playthrough. not however how most of the time it's more unimportant questions than answers and that one is supposed to enjoyed that it 'leaves things open to interpretation' what isn't open to interpretation is how the witness directly suggests it's not open to any interpretation except 'open' interpretations. the mere suggestion that it doesn't have much of anything to say about anything other than itself as empty digital spectacle is buried under a colourful yet lifeless island of empty mechanical functioning - one that requires endless layers of culturally sanctioned mystery to sustain the illusion that it's somehow remotely mysterious at all there's a lot you can miss - secrets tucked away behind the island's most challenging obstacles - but the most mind-blowing revelation is hidden in plain sight; that is the revelation it has no revelations to reveal whatsoever. it might take 80 to 100 hours to fully do and see everything here but there's a satisfying lack of actual thematic weight and contextual clues that one is able to reach the ending the first time. the public cultural story / myth of/about/behind "the witness" is the only arbitrary reward for useless grinding efforts. what's actually there all along might just be: not a lot except empty garmes industry hype about how endlessly amazing and deep it is (/the garmes industry or the witness?) the verdict the witness has a sly cultural power and pull that carries the uncritical and unsuspecting throughout the several days / daze it takes to complete it for the first time - and beckons them back to confront the empty mysteries they think they leave unsolved. its graceful insidious combination of tangible goals deliberately wilful obscurity and symbolic obfuscation and its plastic freedom creates ample opportunity for minor victories and apparently grand revelations alike. for the most part its themes (the witness as self sustaining hype machine) weave themselves beautifully throughout the gorgeous world and wide variety of puzzles. unlocking its 'deepest mysteries' is however thankfully a perfunctory minor affair many industry reviewers wish they didn't have to score the witness. apparently they don't want to set people up for that expectation; they don't want a voice in the back of player's head that says "okay when does a hyped-up walking sim like this become a ten?" for them that's unfair and detrimental to how teh garme should be experienced which is "(..) as open-minded and unassuming as possible." ir sinister ideological message: don't go to the witness. let the witness come to you summary of everything wrong with the witness there's absolutely nothing wrong with the witness - it's a solid garme. but imagining if there were - a summary **+** will provide even more fuel to the pale frozen fire of "vidyagarmz *are* art(tm)" techno-evangelists **+** eight whole years in development? eight years to develop a puzzle grinding walking simulator seems approximately seven years eleven months three weeks six days twenty three hours and fifty five seconds too long; it looks and feels like it was designed by committee / computer.. so why wasn't this garme entirely grown procedurally by computer? why aren't all of its architectural features in a different location every time you play it? **+** this simulation of a garme should have been open source - it would make a neat garry's mod level highly suitable for a cool garme of hide and seek **+** it conceptually suggests a charismatic garme-developer god behind it 'intelligently designing' its clever little world **+** it needs realtime weather surrealism seagulls and a day/night cycle **+** there should be a way to escape the island **+** each of the puzzles should be hackable in-garme and instantly bypassed **+** everything's baked in screwed down tight polished to death: it's not enough that the landscape is (apparently) interesting itself - interesting and unexpected things should happen there - the player need not be the only (slow) moving and 'living' component on this backwater little island **+** those drole "meaning of the witness" (ironic plodding connect-the-dots) garme analysis posts which will no doubt dribble out at some point final score: recommended - ie. recommend you wait a year or so till its repackaged in "glorious 3d/hd!" for lousy mobile ios - complete with advertisement pop-over achievements for every puzzle solved) before purchasing / buying (into) it // republic of bob