# the inexorable rise of crapolaware garmes consider that truly awful garmes are forever on the increase - and just like bad vhs action flicks from the near future retro 80s they can often be appreciated for ir uniquely strange and expansive lack of.. any quality whatsoever the cool term "crapolaware" is defined here in the general sense given by jim sterling (garming journalism god) who referred to one of the worst garmes of 2012 as a "flocking jar of monkey anuses" // image here: a jar of monkey anuses "crapolaware": demonstrably dull all too explicably bland barren sterile desiccated profoundly derivative rehashed lazy and generally shoddy-arts play forms.. industry mandated throwbacks featuring washed out muddy or murky textures virtually no style a terminally boring pace and loads of padded out filler and awesomely janky mechanics - casually farted out by roving hit-and-run bands of shady self-hating violently apathetic fly-by-night developer cowboys with a near-pathological interest in cheap knock-offs and weightless hyper-generic misanthropically cynical cash-ins 'garmey': describes an unknown and ill-defined quality characterizing a seemingly good garme that players making arguments or assertions about (eg. "it's awesome") or claim to know is somehow intuitively 'good' because they feel it's amazing qualities "from the gut" - or simply because "it looks cool" - without regard to evidence logic close examination or observable easily verifiable facts a 'garmey' garme usually has at least some of the passing tangy flavor and superficial qualities at least minimally suggestive of a good garme - and all the attendant hype - without actually being good at all spoiled gross squalid and generally unwholesome - a 'garmey' garme is one kept underdeveloped until forever tainted with shockingly listless player disappointment. example daily usage: "all the garmey taste of aliens: colonial marines.. but without the fun or nutrition" new research by the abstract encounters group proves all crapolaware has its roots in the straight to un-rewound vhs classic "expect no mercy" (1996) starring billy blanks. notice the appearance of the oculus rift // video here an appreciation of ugliness to consider joy of and in crapolaware is to appreciate ugliness. it is perhaps to sense what is strictly limited in the beautiful what is constricting in the flawless and polished that is when it comes to regularly accepted standards of good taste one is devoid (pdf) that is to find aesthetic brilliance in sheer crapolaware is to be a crass connoisseur of #welgestyle the best of the lamest fuse - what happened to its cool original vision? aliens: colonial marines - it's fascinating to witness the unfolding / crumbling of the often dark internal logic which governs the modern postmodern vidyagarm industry dead island: riptide - brings even more natural healthy garmer hatred to ongoing franchise iteration dead space 3 - in which the notion of the 'dumbing down' of video garmes is an unfortunate and perhaps unavoidable oxymoron far cry 3 - when it's healthy not to believe the hype the walking dead: survival instinct - when incompetence is the art star trek the video garme - "the fail" is strong in this one jim warz infestation: survivor stories - the 600 ton big rig sitting in the middle of the room - and yet the levels of righteous indignation generated by this (admittedly) public floater are often as impressive image here - big rigs: a big log dark - semi hilariously abysmal ride to hell: retribution - stunningly trashy even by modern standard sub-standards alien rage - astoundingly ordinary ham fisted fps blandness in bulky power armor another challenger for worst garme of the century appears - day one: garry's incident (and yet there's also rambo: the video garme. oh wow) regarding afterfall: insanity extended edition / mars: war logs - essentially the exact same garme; despite being brown garmes and of generally low quality these two show small sparks of creative potential in them if only the industry wasn't so locked down in its sharing of ideas assets and source code and its general dismissal of the modding scene - such otherwise poor garmes might somehow ignite into exciting fires - like those on the plane of air control **update patch** skate man intense rescue wins through (goty edition srsly) // republic of bob