# moviebob's classic pixels movie review and the ironies of nerd culture > it's like adam sandler broke into my house took a giant bloody backed up post taco bell miralax shit in my living room and now wants me to pay ir for the privilege > ~ bob 'moviebob' chipman imagine that moviebob's (popular culture) review rage about the / another stunningly awful adam sandler flick "pixels" derives not just from the plain fact the movie makes duke nukem forever look classy but also from the possibility that its unique portrayal of nerd culture might simply be a little too close to the truth for bob here's mr. chipman's awesome righteous totally spot-on review // video here is this what cavemen felt like the first time they saw what to them what must've looked like something literally eating the flocking sun? perhaps this what the world feels like as it sees capitalism: the video garme eating it alive is this that existential horror thing lovecraft was talking about (..)? perhaps horror is what bob feels unconsciously as ir's presented with the full mind-tearing existential truth about video garmes - that just like the movie ir's reviewing there's very little meaning there and the crime is cultural vandalism bob almost gets it right; perhaps there is no cultural vandalism but rather culture itself is the vandalism. not that ey would be complaining quite so loudly had this movie given ir more of precisely what ey (/thinks ey) wants in terms of cool 'correct' nerd culture the vomit-encrusted nadir of the unholy assembly-line transmutation of generation x nostalgia into the quote-unquote 'geek' corporate branded marketing identity - the burning up the library at alexandria by way of the hot topic t-shirt printing press generation x nostalgia into corporate greek branded marketing identity is hardly any kind of transformation bob. hyperbole aside the burning of the library at alexandria is hardly the same as stupid trade=unfair cotton t-shirts worn (in ironically anti-ironic 'fashion') by blind consumers in standard 'pop will eat itself' mode. (pixels seems simply that - another dumb hot topic t-shirt) pixels is bad enough to make you hate the things you love and watching it made me want to take a blowtorch every scrap of video garme memorabilia in my home maybe that's precisely why players should perhaps take notice of it - as an honest symbol of rejection of mindless play as culture. perhaps burning every scrap of expensive plastic memorabilia in your house might be an entirely healthy response to the overwhelming effects that culture - popular or otherwise - has on people's minds i was bored within two minutes angry after five and by the time all one hundred had run out i was just sad and numb which has now simmered into a fine pure white hot pants-shedting rage sounds uncannily like the common lament of virtually every single modern player of garmes out here today almost utterly bored and angry out of ir wits by disposable (yet incredibly expensive and time consuming) industry product a race of aliens have misinterpreted samples of earth's popular culture contained within a nasa probe for a declaration of war and have attacked the planet with an army of energy creatures mimicking the forms of circa-1982 arcade garmes included in said samples consider that no 'misinterpretation' has taken place - bob's just interpreted ir interpretation as a misinterpretation. besides popular culture(tm) already and always seems a misinterpretation - about what humans really need (hint: perhaps neither lousy movies like pixel nor the 'real authentic(tm)' garmes culture to which it refers) pxiels wants to shoehorn in a metric ton of kevin smith-style pop reference pandering in the form of another tired as hell man child hero's journey the man-child hero's journey describes at least 90% of modern culture a team of former competitive arcade champs to lead the battle mostly by engaging in tacky dated stereotypes about these loser weirdo garming nerds having to prove themselves against the scepticism of the army guys tacky dated stereotypes about these loser weirdo garming nerds seems a little like the movie nerd pot calling the garming kettle black bob scott pilgrim but for assholes but bob scott pilgrim's also an asshole but for how shamefully expensive it all looks hey highly polished turds slide further along the public imagination trough before being instantly flushed from cinematic history to make way for the next pinched-off classic who knows - the movie sure as hell doesn't care; at one point entering a cheat code works for some reason without explaining how it was entered or why it should matter - these aren't tiny nit pics though these are major plot developments getting ground up into some of the worst action story-telling since transformers players take the turgid 'cinematic storytelling' of assassin's creed remotely seriously so why not that of pixels? what do the aliens even want? nobody seems to care. sometimes they're evil then in the next scene it's all about them being confused. at one point we're flat out told in a moment of important highlighted exposition that they were a peaceful world until they got a hold of our probe no they probably weren't peaceful - just as players on earth aren't really any less violent before they enter an xbone codblops lobby there's the germ of an interesting idea dying from lack of oxygen within this shit storm ie. so much of our popular culture being grounded in the mythologising of warfare competition and the arbitrary winner / looser binary - why wouldn't someone mistake it for a declaration of war? an excellent point but what really turns the whole thing from just one more stupid waste-of-time summer comedy (..) is that it's so oppressively endlessly bald-faced cynical about the disingenuous appropriation of its own supposed reason for existing what 'false appropriation' of culture? rather perhaps it is culture that appropriates aggressively moves in takes over makes demands - reasonable and otherwise there's not a single interesting joke or visual gag making use of the presence of all the classic garming iconography sandler and ir good squad have been allowed to flock around with. the supposed use of every single pixellated creature in the movie never once rises above the level of - (puts of voice of stupid person) "hahaha i recognize that" which for some reason qualifies as a joke now so what when single neuron in-garme responses like "lol" and "wtf" regularly qualify as everyday human communication? this is the kind of bad licensing driven movie that's so flocking glib and self-satisfied with its sleazy cash-grab existence that it takes time out to make sure it also sheds on the sorts of more earnest heartfelt version of the same idea somehow who gave two sheds might of made - as you've already seen in the trailers as though being self-satisfied with a sleazy cash-grab existence would never apply to video garmes. right > sandler: pac man's a bad guy? > toru iwatani: pac man is not bad! i created ir to bring joy to all the people of the world. they have brainwashed ir! you'll see. (gets out of car and approaches giant (voxel!) pac man) "hello my sweet little boy look how big you've grown!" (pacman bites ir hand) > toru iwatani: " ahhhhhhh! somebody annihilate this stupid thing!" what's disturbing in this exchange is the very idea of any developer ever actually thinking they create anything to 'bring joy to all the people of the world' - like that's not remotely creepy apocalyptic cultish or hyper-hubristic or anything right? but than also notice how in the same breath professor iwatani wants it immediately annihilated. hey perhaps this means ir's finally growing up > toru iwatani: i will talk to ir. ir's my son! all sons end up hating ir fathers professor - particularly as they release they're beginning to resemble them this above all else is what so irrationally infuriating about this maggot oozing head wound of a move - it plays at being a sentimental ode to the glory days of classic video garmes but clearly doesn't have a flocking drop of sincere interest in what's made these characters and imagery so enduring or even what's made the garmes of compelling for all these years there's a small sense in which "pixels" might be all too rationally infuriating bob. as for sentimental odes every single modern video garme is hyped as a sincere 'sentimental ode' to every other damn garme ever made; every new ip retread is a true 'return to the roots of the franchise' - and nobody even blinks no matter how many classic arcade cabinets and eighties mtv needle drops pixels trots out its always nakedly the work of a bunch of shit-gargling flockwits with zero love or understanding of this stuff beyond the ability to sell tickets based on "hey remember pac man? remember space invaders?" hey you crazy kids remember elite? what about space station 13? sandler's literal character arc in this movie is learning to let go of the pride ey takes in having the skill to excel at classic garmes and embrace a more open ended 'whatever just try not to die' modern garming approach in order to ultimately succeed - but hey don't pay attention to all that folks it's about time king billy mitchell learned to let go of ir hot sauce and ir ironed mullet and embrace a more open 'just try not to die of embarrassment' approach and the only thing worse than all of that is that it's probably going to work - it's going to be a huge flocking hit. one more movie interlude for the movie masses to break up the monotony of our ongoing waddle toward idiocracy the obvious anti-irony hard at work here: that idocracy despite being about stupidity is itself no less brainless a product pixels is the worst thing to happen to video garmes since the cd-i micro transactions youtube screamers and the death of the dreamcast combined there bob goes again with that arbitrary high / low culture distinction again. just as slavoj zizek has argued we should view the so-called 'failures' and 'crises' of capitalism not as uncommon outlier phenomena but the very essence of its inherent structural dynamics. "pixels" is not merely 'doing video garmes wrong'; it seems no more less a central element and authentic expression of mainstream video garme culture / culture as a video garme than anything else in our troubled global network of interactive meaning the story is lazy the stakes make no sense the staging is limp and lifeless hey bob welcome to the modern anti-life // republic of bob