# two teens approached us today on the street with ir phones ready no doubt 'trying to go viral with some brainless bs' "um excuse me sir" no doubt trying to make me appear online like the idiot i already am (so right there i already got you foxed ha) one instantly politely but firmly stopped ir spanner dumb time wasting spiel whatever it was at the 15-20m mark with a "sorry *no*" as we passed by one of them turned to sarcastically say 'have a truly *amazing* day' to which without even looking back i immediately responded "that was my plan all along" using at least 15% ray winstone in my voice (you never want to go 'full winstone' unless the situation calls for it but even then caution is needed mostly for the emotional health of other parties involved) luckily this time *maybe* due to such a precisely-aggressive urban tone there was no smartass answer no elevator-humor back chat after a long slog back through the stifling heat i arrived back at the house and thought there must be the equivalent of the alien predator franchise but for morons - 'yautja but for idiots': "only in the hottest weather do the true wits crawl out of the uk woodwork" as if to prove what i already knew today i saw an aspirationally-dim guy ride ir tiny e-scooter right in front of a car turning left into a road - who *just* missed ir by about the width of ir brain dead skull captain duckhead on the e-bike didn't even notice of course and rode on swerving in and out of traffic without a care - cruising on into the neon tinted night and into infamy / the hospital ward apart from the breeze imagine what goes through that guy's skull; thinking that 'my essential need to be urban-edgy necessarily involves ignoring all other high speed road traffic' like what son were you home schooled by a pigeon a philosophical response to such a brazen refusal of common social rules: "cars > edginess" - in fact when the edge of the car meets the 'edge' of idiot skulls when running over them one hopes whatever pea sized bit of brain matter manages to squeeze out is put to good use other news: another total armpit stinker in the local supermarket didn't wash ir vile pits again while one certainly understands a lack of money for deodorant and soap at least make the minimum social effort to use water you filthy sour summer smeller waiting in line behind this stink cloud i swear i heard a buzzard fall hit the roof dead as it attempted to fly past overhead // republic of bob