# text now gender neutral wanted to do something after trans visibility day am also finally getting to grip with darktable and and am finally figuring out what kind of look i want with my folder of community video garme screenshot art have borderline weened myself of artificial sugar and am fast getting into whole fruit (as opposed to mere carton juice) - must remember to buy watermelon it's so delicious am also going to order that standing desk tomorrow - finally - as well as plan for swift efficient disposable of this horrible moldy backbreaking couch was feeling low today while walking outside - the same street the same shops the same journey every single day a life so thoroughly circumscribed and lacking in imaginative possibility - so bound by a complete lack of social mobility and the money needed to practically fund it - that life is reduced to a cardboard cutout a pathetic balsawood diorama collecting dust at the back of a charity shop even the brilliant spring sunlight failed to cheer me up in fact i felt worse i imagined that same hot blank sunlight stretching on forever (especially in the baking dry sticky summer to come) - illuminating a soulless suburban nothingness that is just because some tawdry scene is lit warmly and superficially exhibits a friendly overall ambiance doesn't mean it's automatically any less than terminally boring as it was during winter i look around at everyone else in this no horse town with ir nice modern houses nice cars well tended gardens out back and pleasant summer holidays enjoying ir guardian recommended bourgeois wine and sophisticated cheese and i can't help feel astoundingly isolated alienated disappointed and freakishly bored by it all - they're all in fact insane and know as much about the true glory and limitless freedom of the albatross gliding over the golden thunderous mountain of eternal morning as i care to know about the labyrinthine kafkaesque intricacies of applying for european arts funding // republic of bob