# captain condescension and the condescenatrons aka corporate microagressions went in to hospital today and was massively condescended to by some nurse that (understandably) hated ir job hated being there on new year's eve - and most of all seemed to hate me for wasting ir time and being ill they displayed all the compassionate understanding of a dead stoat with 'permanent annoyance syndrome' just like uncle buck when ey wears ir canadian hat and the mere sight of it makes other people mad - doctors and nurses appear continuously sigh inwardly in my presence as though i'm ir forever-disappointing offspring; a looser who won't simply crawl away to die somewhere quiet instead of unceasingly annoying them by continuing to be unwell - as opposed to (somehow) 'pulling up my socks' / 'getting with the program' and generally just 'getting my shit together' and spontaneously become healthy(tm) - read healthy as 'less of a burden to your long suffering nhs parents' i'm nearly 60 yet some mothers apparently think they can treat me like my mother did for over a decade like a lead albatross around ir neck who has to be continually 'managed' i'm here to tell 'yall to get flocked oh if only i'd done what dear dead mother constantly told me to do - if only i could just do my duty as ir child / property and be nothing but obedient; stay out of the way - get out from under people's feet - be less of a tiresome burden to everyone concerned i sat there silently taking this treatment from the nurse yet inwardly i was read to start screaming angrily and not stop until those around me felt i was just about ready to savage them with my bare bear hands for psychologically hounding me for over half an hour except for the truly nice female doctor who saw me first at no point as a patient waiting patiently for decent treatment did i ever think anyone involved with my health ever give a single genuine flying shit about me; i am merely just another random stupid bag of ill flesh needing 'managing' by the holy class of middle managers; bureaucrats in the dirty business of 'unhealth management' at one point i asked the nurse interrogating me if i'd already mentioned to ir something specific about my current condition - which is really only ever 'unhealthy due to being born poor and working class' they said no and i told ir - upon which they immediately replied "well *of course* that's important why wouldn't you mention it" i couldn't believe it; i was only trying to help by filling in the gaps and providing relevant details but they treated me like i was an idiot that just 'didn't know what the correct procedure was' - like i'd somehow horribly embarrassed my rich hosts of whiteness by using the wrong bit of cutlery in the wrong order the look on ir face holy shit you should have seen it - a mixture of thin disgust and contempt with an extra fat dollop of total incredulity like i'm lying - lying to everyone in fact and that my entire current lack of health is entirely my fault; a big put-on for attention did i come here today in order to be judged by my social health-professional betters and be found severely wanting - found guilty for being ill - "how dare you be ill on the nhs's precious time" no i did not then the doc strolled in and shook my hand in a bluffy display of over familiarity; amazingly ir bedside manner proceed to be even worse than the nurse since i dared ask ir a health related question about a specific kind of scientific measurement **+** what ey then asked me next made me say wtf to myself: "what's your background" **+** i said "er sorry" - always on the defensive that's my problem **+** ey said "what did you study" **+** not knowing what on earth ey was asking for i replied "what you mean - at university" **+** "yes" ey said **+** looking around the room for clues to how i should even respond to this bs i just said "um english literature" **+** finally ey replied "i see" - and *only then* did ey bother explaining in plain terms the meaning of the science term i asked about why didn't you tell me straight off you total rick; let's get this straight you want me to show you certificates of education before you condescend to *bothering* to 'talk down to my level' gee thanks for all the effort i mean i'm already directly responsible for every single facet of my bad health right so sure - why not first check i've also flocked up in the education department (as you obviously suspect) before talking down to me about specific scientific health care terms unreal man; imagine if it was someone without any formal education andor without english as ir first language - such awful disrespectful anti-treatment and microagression would be worthy of punishment how dare you ask me what i studied at university - look here captain condescension if you simply can't andor just can't be bothered explaining health science terms *in plain english* to a patient than that's *your* fault friendo - it's not the patient's responsibility(tm) to 'prove' they understand every facet of what's wrong with them (oh sorry i mean 'what they have done to themselves through ignorance') before you sigh and try to think down to ir level you sarcastic rick there are few words to describe how sick to my stomach i felt sitting there and being non / mis-treated like this; like i'm not already trying my best to survive from day to day - like it isn't already difficult enough to maintain the current low default level of health i have already you don't know me pal so don't assume to judge (like being nice to people and helping them get better should be anything to do with judging them - your misperceptions andor prejudices about ir intelligence) oh i see what it is now - ey saw my bum clothes my bald head and my slight eye-folding asian look (i'm frankly surprised ey didn't ask me my ethnic background) and decided: here's just another stupid patient not remotely interested in ir own health nor capable of full educated engagement with ir own symptoms i know what about a helpful and more accurate nhs slogan - "nhs: when it's better to be perfectly healthy or simply dead than depend on our soulless unhealth-mismanagement system for any human sympathy or compassionate understanding" (robert points to ir elbow) right now i need this shit like an asshole at my elbow just wait till i have disgusting money and power and friends in high places and automatically command great respect i don't deserve - then it won't be cruel eyes saying 'do better you lazy fool' it'll be 'would you like another italian biscuit with your latte while you wait in our luxury heated reception mr what' or (i dunno) maybe you could simply try doing better yourselves and immediately stop treating patients like some kind of national burden to be casually sloughed off like dead skin on the soles of your professional-unhealth feet // republic of bob