# 0302 sbt a vile mosquito buzzing around my idiot head just woke me up - can't believe the little sod is still alive in the dead of winter swear i'm going to open all the windows all day and freeze the basket to death i've got insect repellent on hand but this brand makes me cough it would be just my luck i've the exact type of blood they prefer - what with all my other ongoing ailments and general historical ill health i'm honestly surprised i've made it this far perhaps the little shit chooses me precisely because it senses i'm the weak one among the herd - which would seem correct for the single possibility that 'the i' (not me personally) am as darwin put it 'susceptible to change' just before bed or at least this section of it - i get up at least three times a night at the moment due to rsi pain in my shoulder - i was thinking about 'movement' per se and how it's so refreshingly simple a notion andor concept that many drastically overlook it indeed life and living are only possible in motion - in motion from motion - a great dynamic wave - and that stasis death and the sedentary only exist where and when movement is not; all of which sounds laughably obvious - until those (daily) frozen moments one finds oneself stuck - frozen in place again and again one very interesting upshot of this physical reality of movement is that truth is not a matter of either a wave (movement) or a symbolic full-stop (particle) but rather a living nonduality outside of time more on this later **11:36** it's official i'm officially old (before my time that is) the recent mri scan results came back; thankfully it wasn't what they thought which was bone degradation - however there is tendonitis in the shoulder *and* 'mild arthritis' which isn't exactly the best damn news i've had recently what a surprise - that i sat cramped on a sofa working my arts off for three and a half years in a cold damp warmth-sucking flat - and now i've suddenly turned into an old man - old that is beyond ir years my poor working class grandparents on my father's side were always in pain with ir joints which would audibly creak pop grind and click every so often (usually when they got up from ir armchairs) and they lived (or rather existed) in a *freezing* cold london flat that should have been condemned at the planning stage - let alone what it came to be a place with green slime running down the concrete stairwell and a toilet so cold it was like your hole art refused to cooperate every time you sat down on the throne of misery i remember ir bathroom with its toilet - white tiles everywhere - it seemed vast at the time because i was so small - the sound of urine hitting the spotless ceramic armitage shanks bowl would resonate around the room it was like visiting a psychiatric ward in ancient londonium so they you have it or rather i have it; a direct link between my often severe ongoing discomfort and my social poverty the lousy freezing flat i'm forced to rent and my total lack of possibility for social mobility; funnily enough once some rich lizard scum of whiteness and power has marked you and yours as mere common filth that's where you'll stay - right at the bottom with ir designer boot on your freezing arthritic neck my parents stayed in freezing cold flats right up until the day they managed to scrape enough money to buy a lousy house of ir own; i've lived in nothing but vampirically-cold bone-sucking accommodation since arriving at university; the only moderately better place i lived in (w/ any actual *design*) was when in germany for eight terminally boring years - yet as soon as i arrive back on miserable cold damp british(tm) soil it's back to two fleeces a coat and a scarf - which is what i'm wearing right now existence in endland / malaiseia as a poor working class conceptual artist of non-whiteness sucks; something's gotta give man - and i'm here to force the issue elsevier open access paper: [cold indoor temperatures and ir association with health and well-being: a systematic literature review (public health november 2023 pages 185-194):](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0033350623003359?__cf_chl_tk=RnkSjC.AC1xorD_YIOr7gc11CsedXJy8XF1cj7gTNCg-1765454238-1.0.1.1-MCi62NtufHzyfkztoZugtYEyKyKqS6LAummXfYQYTjM) bbc - [energy crisis: How living in a cold home affects your health (8 november 2022):](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20221107-energy-crisis-how-living-in-a-cold-home-affects-your-health) wired: [scientists thought parkinson's was in our genes. it might be in the water](https://www.wired.com/story/scientists-thought-parkinsons-was-in-our-genes-it-might-be-in-the-water/) // republic of bob